YOU SHIT-HEAD! [Souichirou opens up in the doctor's office, screaming into his mirror the second he's picked it up--after the post he's seen, anyway. If anyone can make out what he's saying completely, it'll be a miracle--otherwise, he's yelling extremely quickly and jumbling his words together out of anger.]

People have better things to do than play around with this weird fantasy crap! What do you think normal people are thinking about you when you kidnap innocent teenagers like this!?

Everyone's diligently working, sorting through their lives and coping with economic struggle and you're pulling kids off the street for no reason, throwing off education and empl! I'm calling you ignorant, you dumbasses!

Wipe that ugly smirk off your face you old hag! I'm not taking orders from some midget stuck in the past with that hairdo! [Then, the yelling just sort of peters off and continues, slowly fading since Souichirou didn't really set a recording all that properly.]

So. Not all of you know me. In fact I think that most of you don't. [Her voice is brisk; if the Speaker's death or what she's about to say is affecting her, she's not showing it.] I'm Police Chief A'aladash Kadra, one of the dreaded locals, and the reason you get my charming face instead of Xiuh is because today's news is under my jurisdiction.

We've received reports-- or rather I've received reports-- that there's a force moving on Darstone. They'll be here, at the outside, in a few days. We have some city defense forces, and the police, but I thought I'd give you all an opportunity to live up to your purpose here instead of just being dead weight.

[Oh, is she betraying her mixed feelings on the newcomers? Whoops. Usually she tries to play at being more political than that. She really must be stressed.]

So who wants to volunteer to play city defense with me? I'm not going to egg sit you, so if you can't hold your own, don't bother applying.

... Thank you.

Um, hello everyone.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Xiuhtonal, the Public Relations manager here. But that's not really why I'm talking to all of you now.

[She fidgets slightly, obviously nervous about something.] It's actually about Lorris, the current Speaker. He... Seems to have gotten a little bit sick. I'm sure it's not the fever! But still, there is cause to worry... He's currently in quarantine at the hospital, so please keep him in your thoughts everyone. Or your prayers, if you do that sort of thing.

Um. Yes. That is all. Thank you for listening!

[There was a chirpy little whistle which signified the mirror turning on to a video feed, though no one seemed aware of it. Feferi sat on Lancer's shoulder, though she was unseen--pointing at things with her index finger a bit rudely before he reached over to set her on the ground. Wordlessly, Lancer manifested his spear--though, all the camera could see was the flash of red light and the tip of the spear before he swung it and took out the side of an old abandoned building by the caves.

Dozens of steel rods fell in from the exposed section of wall, landing at their feet. Lancer sat down after prying one out of the pile, resting it on his lap.]

It's no good, fightin' bare handed--even if you're really good at it. If someone else comes around that you can't handle, you'll be put out.

Whale, I'd like to meet whatever you might think could be doin' that. [But despite her words, she sounds incredibly excited.] Excluding the present company, of course. We ain't all got your fancyfins magic.

No magic this time. Trust me, I hate relyin' on the stuff. [Lancer propped up one of the steel rods, lifting the tip of his spear up to it. Then, he began shaving strips of steel off of the tip of the rod, sharpening it to a point bit by bit. When he was done, he raised it up for Feferi to take.] See? It's a quick-fix, if any. Too bad we can't carry the rest of these rods in case we don't have time to sharpen that one up on the go.

[Feferi literally hugs the spear to her chest with a gleeful glub.]

I'll just be havin' to make it count, now won't I? [A ridiculous number of glubs follows that.] We'll be eating good tonight, all kinds of cluckbeast skewers!

Birds? I thought they were turtles.

Are they?

They were making noises you'd figure a bird would make, but they definitely looked like turtles.

I just thought that meant they were all ugly birds. [Very seriously: ] They must be birdles.

[All the humor evaporated from Lancer's expression.] We're not callin' them that.

[ Most people who know a Karkat Vantas will recognize this troll when he appears on the network, but he'll look pretty...different to most if not all of them. He's got a scar on one cheek, pierced ears, and his horns are a bit notched from what looks like blade slices. Also, he's wearing a completely pristine white coat. ]

All right, kids, listen up. First things first, I need a roll call here. I'm not holding out much hope but if any of you know any of these people then speak up - or especially if you are these people, don't think I won't kick your ass from here to the Gods-damned Ascension for being coy with me. I'm looking for Archagent Eridan Ampora, has these chewed-up fins on his face and a face like God took out all their favorite bits but left him pretty anyway, can't have an emotion that doesn't belong in a soap opera. Sollux Captor, probably behind a computer and failing to remember that food and sleep exist as we speak, if you've seen him and haven't been blinded by the world's tackiest gold cape that he just loves wearing at all times then you're lucky. Terezi Pyrope, blind and completely inappropriate at all times and with a wardrobe that induces more seizures than Sollux, probably pails herself to courtblock dramas every night. Gamzee Makara, the hugest doofiest clown cultist ever, unfairly good cook but don't ever eat his pies unless you like tripping out on sopor. If any of these names and descriptions are familiar to you, speak the fuck up, I haven't got time to search out every hidey-hole in this hopbeast warren of a city.

Secondly, I've already been imposed on by one giant lizard to go get him stuff, so why not, I'll be generous. My name's Karkat Vantas, I'm a Threshecutioner, my job is to keep the world oiled so hell, if you've got a problem then lay it on me. I don't trust any of these asswounds who had the great idea to kidnap people and make them fix their shit instead of fixing it themselves, but whatever, I have important things to do back home so I'm not going to sit on my glutes whining. If they want me to help I'll help with anything within reason, as long as it gets me home faster. Most of my work back home involved the undead, giant monsters and relationship drama, but I'll do whatever needs doing. Hit me up if you need anything, it's not like I can get a break back home so there's not much point to taking one here.

[ He might sound just a little bitter about that. After a moment, he sighs and shuts off the video. ]

[The video clicks on to reveal a small, slender, nervous-looking redhead. She has a frilly white blouse on covered with a leather bomber jacket, more stylish than functional, and she's fidgeting in her seat.

She takes a visible breath and says, somewhat stilted,] Hi. Willow. --That's me, Willow, my name, and. You should call me that. And you should email me?

Wait, sorry, I'm doing this in the wrong order. [She looks embarrassed, but then shakes her head and starts over, calmer now that she's getting into the rhythm.]

I'm Willow Rosenberg and I'm the official Darstone liaison to the newcomers. That means you, cause, if you're on this network, you're a newcomer-- a dimensional kidnap-ee. It's probably not government approved to say kidnap-ee, but that's okay because I work for them so I'm allowed to be especially disgruntled. Actually, even though I work for them, I'm in more or less the same position as you, I just got here earlier. When they needed someone for the job about a month ago I said yes.

Anyway... [Pause as she tries to recover her conversational thread.] Being the liaison means you should come to me if you have problems settling into the city, or if you need to talk to someone official and don't know how to reach them. I can get you in touch. I'm not responsible for deciding who gets to go home, so don't bug me about that or you'll make me cranky and mildly disapproving, and I don't like to be cranky.

But you really should email me if you need something. That's what I'm here for. I also do emergency response sometimes if something goes wrong with one of us, and trust me, I can handle it. So don't cause problems or you'll have to deal with me. [This is half bluffing and half honest confidence.] That means whoever sent those shadow things around during the festival, I better not see that happen again or I'm going to track you down, and there will be consequences.

[Her eyebrows go up in open evaluation.] Got it? Oh, and whoever's sending out the spying snakes, that's just creepy, but not illegal. So keep it not illegal or I'll sic the police chief on you, and she's scary.

... Any questions? About me or about what's going on? It's really mostly answered in the guide on your mirror, but I am answer girl if you have something else.

Um- ahem. Is this thing on? Yes? Oh, good. Hello everyone! I'm Jane Crocker, some of you might have met me already.

So, for those of you who don't know yet, the natives here offer very reasonable exchange rates for any currency you happen to have on you! Which means that I am going to be starting a bakery, I've already purchased a nice little property in the Marketplace. Say, does anyone know anything about architecture or interior design? I'd be happy to hire a contractor to help with getting it ready for the grand opening. And speaking of hiring, I can't take on a ton of employees, but if any of you have previous experience with this sort of thing or are particularly interested please let me know! Your pay won't start coming in for a few weeks, but I'm sure we'll have plenty of fun together.

Also, if anyone would like to suggest fun things we could do for promoting the bakery when we do have the opening, please leave your feedback! Or recipes you'd like to see. I know a lot of us are all from different worlds and might have different ways of approaching sweets. I'm always happy to listen. [ To potential paying customers. ] That's about it though.





Oh, but by the way, Dirk! If you'd like some say in where we move to, let me know when you're free so we can look at places together, all right?

[ How does I filter? ]

-=for those he's spoken to already, he's sounding a lot stronger and healthier. he is attempting to be lighthearted, but in the end he still sounds worn=-

I wanted to extend my gratitude to those who came to my aid when I first arrived here. I would have surely lost my life if it wasn't for your efforts, and while a mere word of thanks feels hardly appropriate for such an act of kindness, it is all I have to offer.

That being said, I am curious to learn about the different people that have come to be in this place. I believe the people I met were called humans? I had never left my home world, so this is a new sort of opportunity for me.

--Shhh. Stay still. Let me put this down and stop wagging... [Lancer was knelt in front of two dogs, both trying to raise their front paws and push him away. He clucked his tongue, handling a mass of rope, pulling knots out of it and scowling irritably. One could see he was wearing a plain black suit and tie and after he finished with the rope, he pulled up a brown bag which emitted a few gentle clangs as if it were full of bottles of liquor.

Of course, that's what it was full of. Having already blown through quite a bit of his initial stipend, Lancer started tying the bottles of liquor to one of the wolves--to which the beast whimpered pleadingly. Lancer gave it an arch look as he continued tying the bottles to it, effectively making it a pack hound.

The second wolf took the procedure with a little more grace as Lancer removed packs of cigarettes from the bag as well, tying them to its upper body before opening a pack and lighting one for himself. When he was done, he picked up the mirror and slipped it under one of the ropes hugging the second wolf, not aware that it was on at all.]

Am I forgettin' anything? [Lancer stood up and scratched his throat with his fingertips, trying to remember.]