1 ♋ VIDEO

[dedicatheist]

[ Most people who know a Karkat Vantas will recognize this troll when he appears on the network, but he'll look pretty...different to most if not all of them. He's got a scar on one cheek, pierced ears, and his horns are a bit notched from what looks like blade slices. Also, he's wearing a completely pristine white coat. ]

All right, kids, listen up. First things first, I need a roll call here. I'm not holding out much hope but if any of you know any of these people then speak up - or especially if you are these people, don't think I won't kick your ass from here to the Gods-damned Ascension for being coy with me. I'm looking for Archagent Eridan Ampora, has these chewed-up fins on his face and a face like God took out all their favorite bits but left him pretty anyway, can't have an emotion that doesn't belong in a soap opera. Sollux Captor, probably behind a computer and failing to remember that food and sleep exist as we speak, if you've seen him and haven't been blinded by the world's tackiest gold cape that he just loves wearing at all times then you're lucky. Terezi Pyrope, blind and completely inappropriate at all times and with a wardrobe that induces more seizures than Sollux, probably pails herself to courtblock dramas every night. Gamzee Makara, the hugest doofiest clown cultist ever, unfairly good cook but don't ever eat his pies unless you like tripping out on sopor. If any of these names and descriptions are familiar to you, speak the fuck up, I haven't got time to search out every hidey-hole in this hopbeast warren of a city.

Secondly, I've already been imposed on by one giant lizard to go get him stuff, so why not, I'll be generous. My name's Karkat Vantas, I'm a Threshecutioner, my job is to keep the world oiled so hell, if you've got a problem then lay it on me. I don't trust any of these asswounds who had the great idea to kidnap people and make them fix their shit instead of fixing it themselves, but whatever, I have important things to do back home so I'm not going to sit on my glutes whining. If they want me to help I'll help with anything within reason, as long as it gets me home faster. Most of my work back home involved the undead, giant monsters and relationship drama, but I'll do whatever needs doing. Hit me up if you need anything, it's not like I can get a break back home so there's not much point to taking one here.

[ He might sound just a little bitter about that. After a moment, he sighs and shuts off the video. ]

Comments

[unfathomabubbly]

You're a motherglubbing liar, don't think I don't know.

[ But if he did, that sounded like something she'd say. The ranking was always Feferi, the Corbenic, and finally Eridan.
And all the while, her pet just wraps its long tentacles around her-- catching her by a horn and tugging lightly.

Glub, glub, huff. ]

Eridan wouldn't bring no one there. Nobubbly goes there, not a single one and shorely no filthy highblooded landglubber.

[dedicatheist]

He brought me to the Corbenic, Princess. Wanted me to meet you. You pitched a fit the likes of which I'd never seen after dinner, and I thought you'd gone feral, screaming like a banshee. But you hadn't, and he gentled you down, and the next night you were just fine.

[ His voice is still just soft and calm, mild, more than a little fond. He knows she probably won't believe him, but he at least wants to encourage her to be more at ease. ]

[unfathomabubbly]

You're madder than an inside-out clam! Madder'n me, even!

[ But there's a hint of humor in her sudden exclamation. ]

That's the story you go telling, thinking I'll believe. That you didn't cull me? A highblood that don't cull a fisher folk they thought went feral? I believe it not a bit.

[dedicatheist]

I've got a soft spot for him, and he said he'd seen you worse and brought you back. So I went out on deck. I follow the law to the letter - I'm not obliged to cull a feral I can't reach.

[ Shrugs a little. ]

Wouldn't say you were wrong on the crazy part, though.