lostnetwork | 1 ♋ VIDEO

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[ Most people who know a Karkat Vantas will recognize this troll when he appears on the network, but he'll look pretty...different to most if not all of them. He's got a scar on one cheek, pierced ears, and his horns are a bit notched from what looks like blade slices. Also, he's wearing a completely pristine white coat. ]

All right, kids, listen up. First things first, I need a roll call here. I'm not holding out much hope but if any of you know any of these people then speak up - or especially if you are these people, don't think I won't kick your ass from here to the Gods-damned Ascension for being coy with me. I'm looking for Archagent Eridan Ampora, has these chewed-up fins on his face and a face like God took out all their favorite bits but left him pretty anyway, can't have an emotion that doesn't belong in a soap opera. Sollux Captor, probably behind a computer and failing to remember that food and sleep exist as we speak, if you've seen him and haven't been blinded by the world's tackiest gold cape that he just loves wearing at all times then you're lucky. Terezi Pyrope, blind and completely inappropriate at all times and with a wardrobe that induces more seizures than Sollux, probably pails herself to courtblock dramas every night. Gamzee Makara, the hugest doofiest clown cultist ever, unfairly good cook but don't ever eat his pies unless you like tripping out on sopor. If any of these names and descriptions are familiar to you, speak the fuck up, I haven't got time to search out every hidey-hole in this hopbeast warren of a city.

Secondly, I've already been imposed on by one giant lizard to go get him stuff, so why not, I'll be generous. My name's Karkat Vantas, I'm a Threshecutioner, my job is to keep the world oiled so hell, if you've got a problem then lay it on me. I don't trust any of these asswounds who had the great idea to kidnap people and make them fix their shit instead of fixing it themselves, but whatever, I have important things to do back home so I'm not going to sit on my glutes whining. If they want me to help I'll help with anything within reason, as long as it gets me home faster. Most of my work back home involved the undead, giant monsters and relationship drama, but I'll do whatever needs doing. Hit me up if you need anything, it's not like I can get a break back home so there's not much point to taking one here.

[ He might sound just a little bitter about that. After a moment, he sighs and shuts off the video. ]

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Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense, as much as anything does here. Time shenanigans, why not.

[ Karkat sighs, sitting down on the nearest convenient horizontal surface. ]

No need to go all trembly, Red, I'm not going to eat you. I'm just- tired. I'm so tired and I can't catch a break for one minute of my life. I could've handled him not being here. This is just cruel.

[She smiles weakly.] I know. I had my dead girlfriend show up before. It's not fair.

[She slowly shuffles over and tentatively sits next to him, leaning in to get a clear view at his face. Willow is still nervous, but she isn't letting it stop her-- she's mostly just nervous because she's still expecting him to tell her to shove off.] I know you won't eat me, which um, is an improvement over some other people I've had similar conversations with. I just feel badly. I didn't realize it'd be such hard news, and I said it, and you just got here. I try not to lay the big stuff on people all at once.

Shit, kid, that's rough. You've got my sympathies for that one.

[ He sighs, leaning over with his back hunched, bracing his elbows on his knees. Curling in on himself. He wants something disgustingly sweet to ease this, already, it feels like his insides are getting dragged across a cheese grater. ]

It's not your fault, Red. If he doesn't know it, you couldn't be expected to either. I won't make an issue out of it, if you two are happy together I'm glad for you. I'm just being a self-pitying sack of crap, don't mind me.

[Willow's good at reading people, it's one of her strengths, and Karkat isn't exactly hard to read. She nudges in closer so that she's just brushing one of his arms, not wanting to be more forward when they don't know each other, but unable to just sit there when he's curling in like that.]

Hey, no, [she says strongly, nervousness fading away.] I'm minding, this is me minding. I can read the subtext here, I'm not stupid. If I were in your place I'd be crying and embarrassing myself and, and who knows what. You're doing fine.

It's okay to be upset. I don't blame you.

[By now she's pretty much put together that, wow, they had to have been dating, even though Karkat had said he was dating Sollux now or something? It's all a lot more complicated than Willow can follow, exactly, and to tell the truth it does make her defensive. But she trusts Eridan-- she trusts him a lot by now-- and her heart really goes out to Karkat for being in this situation, whatever it is, precisely.

Even if she has absolutely no intention of giving Eridan up for anyone, she doesn't need to be cruel about it. Ultimately she just dislikes seeing someone hurt.]

Sorry. I'm being completely obvious and dragging my issues around in humiliating fashion, I know. Selfish of me anyway. This just is not the kind of thing I was prepared for. I went to bed happy for the first time in over a sweep yesterday and then- fuck, maybe it was just a hallucination, a fever dream, I get a truly astonishing number of those because God doesn't know how to take fuck off for an answer.

[ She's so good and sweet, it's really unfair. Karkat can't fault Eridan or hate her one bit for this. It hurts, sure, but hurt is a fact of life for him. "Threshecutioner" ain't shorthand for "swapped the right to ever be happy," what a laugh. This girl, alien though she is, seems a pretty good sort. He bets they're good for each other. He wouldn't dream of interfering with any kind of relationship where Eridan had a better shot of being equal. It's not fair of him to any party involved to feel this way.

No one ever said Karkat Vantas was good at being the emotional martyr, though. No matter how many times this kind of thing happens, it always hurts. Every time. ]

[He's so much like her. That's really all she can think. Willow isn't any good at being unselfish either, in fact is awful at it, and she feels her heart ache in sympathy.]

No, don't-- don't apologize, [she says helplessly.] Being happy wasn't a hallucination, it wasn't. You'll be happy again.

... Would it be too awkward if I gave you a hug right now? You look like you really, really need a hug.

Sure, why not, we've reached maximum embarrassment by now anyway.

[ He mumbles it to the ground. God, he feels so awful, both for the complete unfairness of the situation and for daring to be unhappy that someone he loves has their own happiness. ]

I think there's a state beyond that where the embarrassment just goes nova, but-- but don't worry about that.

[She lurches forward and hugs him, letting her genuine empathy carry her through the awkward physical position and the circumstances. She's twisted in place, arms wrapping around him, her anxiety draining away as she falls into the role of comforting someone.] It'll be okay, [she murmurs.] You just got here. Give yourself some time.

An explosion would be pretty welcome at this point, actually. A mercy kill and all that.

[ He goes silent for once, though, leaning into her. He's not used to being the one comforted instead of the one giving comfort. He misses Gamzee, wishes he were here because this feels a lot like being unfaithful to his brand-new pale quadrant. Still. He doesn't feel as comforted as he would with Gamzee, squawkblisters are definitely not a go, so maybe this can go by as inclade friendship support.

God, he wants to go home. ]

[Willow's practically a pale bicycle by troll standards, but by human standards this isn't anything unusual-- maybe just in how fast it'd happened after she met him. But for her, a quintessential bleeding heart, it's totally normal, and she doesn't think anything of it. He's not Xander or Buffy, never will be to her, and part of Willow thinks she's never going to see them again, anyway. There's no one to betray.

She draws back but leaves one arm on him in continual support.] No mercy killing, [she says firmly.] Everyone goes through this, I promise. It's... it's not fun, but I understand.

Maybe we should do something not so depressing, [she suggests.] I don't think anything about this is going to change any time soon. [So they might as well do something else, she thinks, instead of letting him stay sitting in misery about it.]

[ To be fair, Karkat is wildly conciliatory with everyone he meets, too - it's part of his job. But he's used to being the one everyone goes to even among other Threshecutioners, not...not this.

He lets out a despairing sigh. ]

Bring me something disgustingly sweet. That'd work.

[He'll just have to be schooled slowly over time, because Willow is a pro at consoling people.]

How about I bring you to it? [she says encouragingly, unfased by his despair.] That might be quicker. This girl named Jane just opened up a bakery-- I keep meaning to stop in. It's supposed to be really good.

You don't just not visit a bakery, woman, are you crazy?

[ He scowls up at her. THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. ]

I've been busy, [she pouts, getting to her feet and relinquishing her personal space invasion.] Like fifty dimensional kidnapees showed up at once, do you know how much paperwork that is?

So you do the paperwork at the bakery. [ He says this like it is the most obvious thing in the world. ]

I don't think I'd get any paperwork done, [she says dubiously.] Just a lot of gossiping and putting on five pounds.

Come on, it's this way.

[ He rises to his feet, walking with her in silence, staring at his feet. Finally, as they're heading into the bustling shop, he speaks up. ]

Don't tell Fins. I don't want to make an issue out of this. I'm not enough of an asshole to interfere with someone else's serendipity, and it'd just make things awkward on all sides.

[She'd been forcibly summoning up some cheeriness to try to change the mood, but now that effort all fades. She glances over at him , withdrawn, unsure how to feel.]

It's your secret to tell, Karkat. I won't say anything. ... And if you want to be friends with him-- [She meets his eyes.] I won't make it awkward, either. Okay?

[Willow still doesn't know how she feels about this, knows she isn't selfless enough to feel completely unthreatened here, but she wants to be. She has to start somewhere.]

Yeah, okay.

[ He points at the display case, grinning. ]

Now make me feel better by buying me a few of those cinnamon rolls. The fresh-baked ones the size of my head. I demand them as tribute.

[It's a bit of conversational whiplash for her, given that she was prepping herself to be serious and supportive and now it's pastry time. But Willow recovers in a second, used to conversational whiplash-- it's just been a while since she's talked to anyone that could keep up with the Scooby level of it.

She regains her smile almost against her will, a trace of somberness hanging about her, but fading.]

Far be it from me to deny the dashing Mr. Vantas his tribute. Though I hope he's planning on saving some of those few for later, or his dashingness might get sick from too much cinnamon roll. Never a pretty sight.

[She moves to go buy some even as she teases him.]

Woman, don't you stand between me and my cinnamon rolls. I am a god of inhaling sugar as fast as it gets put in the vicinity of my face. You don't know the forces you're messing with.

[ It's always nice to find someone who will roll with him and keep things light. Anytime things get too overemotional without a suitable sidetrack everything gets messy, feelings get hurt and no one gets laid. It's a real tragedy. And yet everyone insists on having the hard, awful conversations all the time! A man can get exhausted, dealing with that kind of thing. ]

[There's a certain amount of interpersonal drama and mortal peril a person can take in one day, and after that point you just have to get flippant. Willow knows this well.]

I don't know, I've messed with some pretty powerful forces before, [she says whimsically, grabbing their towering plate of cinnamon rolls and heading over toward a table.] And you're giving me really good bribing material.

You can't separate me from my sustenance, woman.

[ No, really, Karkat burns up so much energy constantly fighting off infection or recovering from it that he pretty much eats constantly just so he doesn't wither and die, especially energy-packed sugary foods. He snatches one of the buns before she can protest and starts in on it at mach speed as he takes a seat. ]

But I could bribe you with it later, [she teases, taking her seat as well. She figures she'd better take one before he really does eat all of them, so she takes a napkin and puts her cinnamon bun on it, tearing off a piece at a time to eat. This isn't exactly dainty of her, as it gets her hands all sticky, but that's the way she likes to eat it.]

I bake sometimes. Not this good or anything, but I can make a batch of cookies that can stand up for itself.

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