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[ Most people who know a Karkat Vantas will recognize this troll when he appears on the network, but he'll look pretty...different to most if not all of them. He's got a scar on one cheek, pierced ears, and his horns are a bit notched from what looks like blade slices. Also, he's wearing a completely pristine white coat. ]

All right, kids, listen up. First things first, I need a roll call here. I'm not holding out much hope but if any of you know any of these people then speak up - or especially if you are these people, don't think I won't kick your ass from here to the Gods-damned Ascension for being coy with me. I'm looking for Archagent Eridan Ampora, has these chewed-up fins on his face and a face like God took out all their favorite bits but left him pretty anyway, can't have an emotion that doesn't belong in a soap opera. Sollux Captor, probably behind a computer and failing to remember that food and sleep exist as we speak, if you've seen him and haven't been blinded by the world's tackiest gold cape that he just loves wearing at all times then you're lucky. Terezi Pyrope, blind and completely inappropriate at all times and with a wardrobe that induces more seizures than Sollux, probably pails herself to courtblock dramas every night. Gamzee Makara, the hugest doofiest clown cultist ever, unfairly good cook but don't ever eat his pies unless you like tripping out on sopor. If any of these names and descriptions are familiar to you, speak the fuck up, I haven't got time to search out every hidey-hole in this hopbeast warren of a city.

Secondly, I've already been imposed on by one giant lizard to go get him stuff, so why not, I'll be generous. My name's Karkat Vantas, I'm a Threshecutioner, my job is to keep the world oiled so hell, if you've got a problem then lay it on me. I don't trust any of these asswounds who had the great idea to kidnap people and make them fix their shit instead of fixing it themselves, but whatever, I have important things to do back home so I'm not going to sit on my glutes whining. If they want me to help I'll help with anything within reason, as long as it gets me home faster. Most of my work back home involved the undead, giant monsters and relationship drama, but I'll do whatever needs doing. Hit me up if you need anything, it's not like I can get a break back home so there's not much point to taking one here.

[ He might sound just a little bitter about that. After a moment, he sighs and shuts off the video. ]

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Fins?

[The appendages perk. His expression does, however, soften as Karkat goes on.]

You're damn right it's weird. You try bein' me, seein' this stuttering buffoon copy half your quirk and a sorry mockery a your own personal style, blurtin' fishpuns ewery which way like if he don't then we'll all forget the fins on his face. It's bizarre, and worse still that he won't get his own look.

[He shifts a bit where he sits.]

Weird, too, seein' you like that. The Kar I know's hardly a threshecutioner, nor does he got the scars you're sporting.

Yeah, I'm cottoning on to the idea that things are a bit different for all of us. You don't have a Karkat who's as dashing as me, and let's face it, it's a hard standard to live up to.

[ His own face softens a little too, though. Kid's trying to figure out how he fits in all this and not happy about the unfamiliar situation, and that's something he can sympathize with. ]

You look good, Fins. Young as hell and a damn sight softer than the one I know, but good. Glad to see you.

[Another prick of the fins, surprised, greets that. And is that a tint of purple coloring the tips?]

Are you...

[Pause. His lip quirks.]

No, newermind.

But a course I look good: I'm a paragon of style and taste, particularly now that I hawe myself a cape again. And I'm not that young.

You, though. [Hmm.] The coat suits you. Keep it. And I see you'we got yourself more of an ego compared to the Kar I know.

[ That gets a laugh out of him - and aw, is that a little blush he sees on those little fins. Eridan, you're adorable as a bitty. Okay, not that much of a bitty, but still. ]

As if I needed your permission to wear my own uniform, douchelord! Besides, I am magnificent whatever I wear and don't you forget it.

[He frowns at that. God, Karkat, don't laugh at him! But he's not near as offended as he could be.]

Well pardon me if I don't got the familiarity to recognize what is or isn't a uniform. I told you before that the Kar I know ain't a threshecutioner. Isn't gonna be one, neither, with things as they stand. Just take the fuckin' compliment.

Edited 2012-09-15 17:17 (UTC)

Try not to drool too obviously, kid, you'll mess up your cape.

[ Sorry Eridan, but your affronted manner is only hilarious and kind of cute to Karkat. Like a baby mewbeast murdering the shit out of a ball of yarn. ]

I--I'm not droolin'!

[Okay, now he's definitely purple in the face, with fins flaring to boot.]

For fuck's sake, Kar. Can't a troll compliment another on dressin' nice? Normal you took a cross section a 'boring' and 'dull' and wore the result as regular attire.

[His fins settle back as he picks at his clothes, straightening scarf and cape, though they don't need it.]

You're the one who went pourin' out that I look good and you're glad to see me. A me you'we newer met, I'll note.

God, you're just as easy as he is, it's hilarious. Simmer down, Fins, haven't you ever been teased in your life?

[ Those little grooming habits are a comfort to see - Eridan is Eridan the whole multiverse over. And damn, that blush is cute. Mental memo for when he gets home: make Eridan blush more, he's lovely. ]

You're definitely not him, but you act the part well enough that you're easy to talk to.

Not like that from you, I hawen't, and it's more than a bit disorientin'.

[He huffs, but simmers still.]

I'm not acting. I'm bein' who I already was, particularly when I don't know your wersion a me.

You're adorable when you're being so indignant, Fins. Calm your gills, I'm not trying to make you into someone you're not.

I--what?

[There goes the purple again, along with his fins. He stares blinking at the mirror for a good moment.]

Did you... Did you seriously just call me adorable?

Yeah, I did. What, is your Alternia totally different and that's an insult where you're from?

[ He smirks a little. Karkat: 1. Your move, Eridan. ]

[He stares, stunned silent for a good few seconds.]

You're flirtin' with me. You're fuckin' flirtin' with me.

[Then, brows drawing in with sudden suspicion, he interjects:]

--You're makin' fun a me, aren't you? Hawe a laugh a stupid old Eridan's expense, then pull the rug out from under me and make me look like an idiot. Well I won't hawe it, 'cause I'm sick of people thinkin' they can just mock me at their leisure. You can't pull one ower on me, Kar, I'm smarter than that.

What? Kid- no. Damn, and you said I couldn't take a compliment. Look, I don't know what things are like with you and your Karkat, but in general I am pretty amicably disposed towards all Eridans. Grows on you like a fungus or something.

[ Wow, he is really confused right now. ]

[He is? Eridan himself is hardly fairing better. He blinks once or twice, eyebrows easing from their scrunch as his fins tilt unevenly.]

Wait, you mean...

[There is suddenly a lump in his throat, and he tries to swallow it down.]

You were bein' serious?

[ SIGHS. ]

This is a lot more fun when you blush and stutter. Yes, Eridan, I was flirting.

[ . . . ]

[A grin spreads wide across his face, colored with more than a little smugness as this info settles in. There's still the purple on his face, alright, but it's only accent to the heavy boost Karkat just gave his ego.]

Why, Kar, I didn't realize you felt that way. I suppose I do hawe some charm.

[Particularly if it's their first conversation. He preens at his scarf.]

God, you're just as given to puffing yourself up too, aren't you? That is hideously unattractive, Fins.

[ But he's grinning despite himself. Dammit, he likes this kid. ]

Says the one flirtin' with me in the first place.

[Smug. Smug smug smug. You can't rain on his parade now, Karkat.]

Look at you, you one-troll fashion disaster. You are just the smuggest of douches.

[ But he thinks you're a sweetie anyway. ]

Oh, hush. There's not a thing wrong with my clothes and not a one can pull this off better than me. Trust me, or get a look at Taw - he's so blind as to think a bow tie was a good idea.

[Pssht.]

You're the one tryin' to pull the rough-around-the-edges, rugged badass sorta look. [Sniff.] And it works, I'll say fair enough, but you can't deny to me what a cliche it is.

Says the boy who thinks a cape is high fashion! I'm not "trying" to pull off anything, Fins, this is what my job looks like.

[ PSSSHHHAWWWWWWW, BOY. ]

There's nothin' wrong with my cape!

[He actually pats at a shoulder, self-conscious, as though Karkat might have damaged the poor garment.]

And it's still a fuckin' cliche, one you seem plenty happy to trot out with the way you were boastin' your own looks earlier.

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