1 ♋ VIDEO

[dedicatheist]

[ Most people who know a Karkat Vantas will recognize this troll when he appears on the network, but he'll look pretty...different to most if not all of them. He's got a scar on one cheek, pierced ears, and his horns are a bit notched from what looks like blade slices. Also, he's wearing a completely pristine white coat. ]

All right, kids, listen up. First things first, I need a roll call here. I'm not holding out much hope but if any of you know any of these people then speak up - or especially if you are these people, don't think I won't kick your ass from here to the Gods-damned Ascension for being coy with me. I'm looking for Archagent Eridan Ampora, has these chewed-up fins on his face and a face like God took out all their favorite bits but left him pretty anyway, can't have an emotion that doesn't belong in a soap opera. Sollux Captor, probably behind a computer and failing to remember that food and sleep exist as we speak, if you've seen him and haven't been blinded by the world's tackiest gold cape that he just loves wearing at all times then you're lucky. Terezi Pyrope, blind and completely inappropriate at all times and with a wardrobe that induces more seizures than Sollux, probably pails herself to courtblock dramas every night. Gamzee Makara, the hugest doofiest clown cultist ever, unfairly good cook but don't ever eat his pies unless you like tripping out on sopor. If any of these names and descriptions are familiar to you, speak the fuck up, I haven't got time to search out every hidey-hole in this hopbeast warren of a city.

Secondly, I've already been imposed on by one giant lizard to go get him stuff, so why not, I'll be generous. My name's Karkat Vantas, I'm a Threshecutioner, my job is to keep the world oiled so hell, if you've got a problem then lay it on me. I don't trust any of these asswounds who had the great idea to kidnap people and make them fix their shit instead of fixing it themselves, but whatever, I have important things to do back home so I'm not going to sit on my glutes whining. If they want me to help I'll help with anything within reason, as long as it gets me home faster. Most of my work back home involved the undead, giant monsters and relationship drama, but I'll do whatever needs doing. Hit me up if you need anything, it's not like I can get a break back home so there's not much point to taking one here.

[ He might sound just a little bitter about that. After a moment, he sighs and shuts off the video. ]

Comments

[aboutwhynot]

Ah, perhaps, if you wouldn't mind taking on the project.

See, there's this woman who is utterly obsessed with me and literally wants to make me go insane, all while proclaiming her undying love for me. However, I absolutely loathe her. And now, unfortunately, we work together at the hospital. I worry things might become... Messy in the future. I would have just filed for a restraining order, or found some reason to get her another job, but I already know that wouldn't stop her.

Ever sorted out something like that before?

[dedicatheist]

Why would you want her to go away?

[ No, really, Karkat looks baffled by this prospect. ]

It sounds like you have the beginnings of a hate for the ages on your hands! You know how many kids I know who'd kill for someone to go after them like that? Okay, so you say she says she loves you, but it sounds like there's serious foundation for a quadrant flip on her side there. So get her to hate you back, make it official, and loathe each other for the rest of eternity. Problem solved.

[aboutwhynot]

[Something about all that went over Stein's head a bit, but... Well getting her to hate him back would probably make her bored after a while and get her to leave him alone anyway. She was a manipulator more than she was someone who just punched people. It could work.]

Alright, how do I get her to hate me back then?

[Poor, poor, naive Stein.]