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--Shhh. Stay still. Let me put this down and stop wagging... [Lancer was knelt in front of two dogs, both trying to raise their front paws and push him away. He clucked his tongue, handling a mass of rope, pulling knots out of it and scowling irritably. One could see he was wearing a plain black suit and tie and after he finished with the rope, he pulled up a brown bag which emitted a few gentle clangs as if it were full of bottles of liquor.

Of course, that's what it was full of. Having already blown through quite a bit of his initial stipend, Lancer started tying the bottles of liquor to one of the wolves--to which the beast whimpered pleadingly. Lancer gave it an arch look as he continued tying the bottles to it, effectively making it a pack hound.

The second wolf took the procedure with a little more grace as Lancer removed packs of cigarettes from the bag as well, tying them to its upper body before opening a pack and lighting one for himself. When he was done, he picked up the mirror and slipped it under one of the ropes hugging the second wolf, not aware that it was on at all.]

Am I forgettin' anything? [Lancer stood up and scratched his throat with his fingertips, trying to remember.]

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Did I? A question more for you than it is for me, shore is, I think.

[ Her voice echoes a bit as she goes into her bathroom to press her mirror up against the one in there. There, her clever ruse will never be unraveled and she is the most brilliant of the seadwellers.

Because figuring out to switch it to voice only is more complicated than this bizarre ruse. ]

It could be nofin at all.

[And somehow, Feferi passed up the chance to do a Scooby Doo impression and drive Lancer into a goddamn fit of rage. He whistled towards the dog, inspecting it. The only way he really 'spoke' to them was with little gestures of his posture, motions of his fingers and his gaze. His ability to 'hear' what they said was nothing more than reading gestures by way of excellent training.

Rather, Lancer was entertaining the words thrown at him casually enough that it made it seem like it was a regular thing that he talked to evil dogs.]

That's a pretty lady-like voice you've got. Plus--is that an accent you've got, pup?

[The dog stared at him, intelligent enough to understand that Lancer was being a jerk.]

[ She had a deprived wigglerhood, sadly. So instead, she'll be entertaining herself with what she is so sure is cleverness.

No one ever said Feferi Peixes was the smartest girl. ]

It ain't an accent, that's a mistake nobubbly should make. As for if I'm a lady, it wasn't a title I claimed for myself at all.

Well, now. How should I be so convinced you're not a lady when this is the first you've spoken about yourself? [Lancer reached down to pop one of the small bottles of whiskey off of the dog, unscrewing the top with a lazy grin. The dog, of course, watched in silence.]

If not for the fact that I've seen you lick your balls before, it might have been a fair claim on your part.

[ What...? She's faintly puzzled now. ]

Seems a bit discriminatory to be saying someone's not a lady just for what they lick.

[Lancer grimaced, plucking the mirror out of one of the rope lines on the dog. He yelled at it--]

What's so bad about discriminating in that sense!? It's visible identification!

So, why don't you just cut the lame act?! I know this thing's a comm!

Ohhh, that's not fun at all.

[ Woosh! And she flips it around, apparently she's perched on the sink in a small bathroom. ]

Water you getting your fins all in a twist for anyway? And what balls offended you so much?

[So, Lancer stared. Was that a demon he was looking at?]

...I should have expected a sprite of some kind to have been tryin' to play a prank on me.

I didn't realize this mirror would be the means. But, more importantly--you don't know what I mean by 'balls'?

[ She wiggles her face fins at him. ]

Fisher folk, thank you, and not at all. You humans say the funniest things sometimes, you know that?

I imagine we do. Better to hear the gentle nicknames than the bad ones, though. Still, for a mermaid--you don't look monstrous to me.

Well... Not that I've met one to begin with. Somehow, I've missed out on those adventures. [Horns weren't supposed to be a part of the deal, either!]

I only ever look monstrous when I've a reason to.

[ She giggles, flashing her teeth and snapping at the air. ]

I like that name-- mermaid, makes me sound all kinds of fancy-fins. So there you go, you met yourself a mermaid.

You sure about that? Missy, if you're what monsters look like around here, then I suddenly feel lucky.

[He briefly paused, realizing Feferi must have never heard of them.]

...That aside, what would you call yourself?

Seadwelling troll would be most specific, but Feferi Peixes is the name I've got personally. Water you, land-walking human?

Ah? Is that a joke? You don't look a thing like a troll, lass. Trolls are a bit too ugly for that claim to be solid in my opinion.

I'm as troll as a troll can glub, thank you very much. Not my fault I'm pretty, not a bit.

'Glub'? Well, you've got to tell me now--where's there a place where trolls look like Princesses and not heaps of lard?

Alternia, though if'n you go asking me, most've them are squishy and wiggly lardly things. They call 'em landdwellers, but I'm of fisher folk.

Good answer! That's interesting enough to hear--water dwellers around here are usually the ones being deprecated.

Given your tone, it sounds like you're the one doin' the judgin'.

They get to be judging off-fin enough, I think. It's about time somebubbly judged right back.

Let me guess--you got the raw end of the deal most of the time, huh?

Was it because you're a 'water dweller'?

Exactly that! All the glubbing fools don't like my kind, think the fins- [ And the psychotic murderous rages, whoops. ] -are a great show of who try to stampede right over.

Really. [He didn't sound too pleased at all with that prospect. He got the same problems from his camp whenever people remembered he was a demigod. Nobody seemed to like competing with Lugh's son.]

Have you corrected 'em?

Re-eel-y! My moiwhale don't like it none when I'm of a mind to, but don't think I won't if somebubbly starts emptying their bile sacs about my sort where I can get my claws in them.

Really? You should let your temper handle the situation more often, missy.

Being even-minded is alright, but you can't relax when someone's takin' swings at you, violently or not. It'll make you look passive.

That shore sounds about right!

[ She nods emphatically. ]

Ain't a bit good to be all passive, not at all. Gives everyone all these ideas about what they can do to us.

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cu_chulainn - 2012-09-17 21:39 (UTC) - Expand

unfathomabubbly - 2012-09-19 01:12 (UTC) - Expand