001 . video . psa

[guiltapalooza]

[The video clicks on to reveal a small, slender, nervous-looking redhead. She has a frilly white blouse on covered with a leather bomber jacket, more stylish than functional, and she's fidgeting in her seat.

She takes a visible breath and says, somewhat stilted,] Hi. Willow. --That's me, Willow, my name, and. You should call me that. And you should email me?

Wait, sorry, I'm doing this in the wrong order. [She looks embarrassed, but then shakes her head and starts over, calmer now that she's getting into the rhythm.]

I'm Willow Rosenberg and I'm the official Darstone liaison to the newcomers. That means you, cause, if you're on this network, you're a newcomer-- a dimensional kidnap-ee. It's probably not government approved to say kidnap-ee, but that's okay because I work for them so I'm allowed to be especially disgruntled. Actually, even though I work for them, I'm in more or less the same position as you, I just got here earlier. When they needed someone for the job about a month ago I said yes.

Anyway... [Pause as she tries to recover her conversational thread.] Being the liaison means you should come to me if you have problems settling into the city, or if you need to talk to someone official and don't know how to reach them. I can get you in touch. I'm not responsible for deciding who gets to go home, so don't bug me about that or you'll make me cranky and mildly disapproving, and I don't like to be cranky.

But you really should email me if you need something. That's what I'm here for. I also do emergency response sometimes if something goes wrong with one of us, and trust me, I can handle it. So don't cause problems or you'll have to deal with me. [This is half bluffing and half honest confidence.] That means whoever sent those shadow things around during the festival, I better not see that happen again or I'm going to track you down, and there will be consequences.

[Her eyebrows go up in open evaluation.] Got it? Oh, and whoever's sending out the spying snakes, that's just creepy, but not illegal. So keep it not illegal or I'll sic the police chief on you, and she's scary.

... Any questions? About me or about what's going on? It's really mostly answered in the guide on your mirror, but I am answer girl if you have something else.

Comments

[guiltapalooza]

Oh, it's not prying. We are dating. [Willow smiles and goes on self-mockingly,] We're not exactly good at being subtle about it, either.

We met a long time before we came here.

[little_miss_snarker]

So you're from Troll World?

[guiltapalooza]

No, no, I'm from Earth. We met somewhere else and then showed up here? That happens sometimes.

[little_miss_snarker]

Really? [She looks surprised.]

....it wouldn't happen to be under a bridge and involve billy goats, would it?

[guiltapalooza]

[She laughs in surprise.] Nope, not at all. It was like the tower of terror except with literal terror.

Anyway, Troll World is called Alternia, for future reference. If they had goats they'd be something like... bleatbeasts. Unless that's sheep? I'm not sure. I think they make up their vocabulary sometimes.

[little_miss_snarker]

At least there was no one throwing up on that ride??? 'Horribly inappropriate joke there....'

Wouldn't sheep be like, woolbeasts or something like that if I'm getting this right?

[guiltapalooza]

Actually... I'm pretty sure there was, [she says glumly.]

I've heard furbeast, barkbeast, squeakbeast... [She shrugs.] The depths of their naming schemes are not to be plumbed by the likes of us.

[little_miss_snarker]

[And mostly because the mun is not up for Animus angst at the moment, the topic of the awful tower will be dropped--for now!]

Oh, of course not. We're mere humans, after all, unable to comprehend the most basic of Trollish logic.

[guiltapalooza]

[Willow's never in the mood for Animus angst, so that's fine with her.]

I think trollish logic is an oxymoron, [she says teasingly.] Though they do a lot better than the kind of trolls we have at home. They're mostly about the big hammer, smash good type of reasoning.

[little_miss_snarker]

Hey as long as they're not terrorizing people from behind a computer screen there's got to be some form of method to their madness.

[guiltapalooza]

I... think they do do that. Actually.

That might be part of the joke.

[little_miss_snarker]

I never thought internet trolls, of all things, would be a multiversal commonality.

'Something tells me I should be surprised, though.'

[guiltapalooza]

Maybe those are the only things that are multiversally common. Internet trolls and your horrible fifth grade science teacher. It would figure.

[little_miss_snarker]

In my case it might be my homeroom teacher. Watch, someone finds a land of shrimp and he's the only non-shrimpy thing in it.

'And Taniguchi and Kunikida. And Asakura. And--you know what. I think Haruki might have affected probability more than I realized come to think of it.'

[guiltapalooza]

There's always one teacher like that. It's a rule. They can have a little powwow in the land of shrimp and give out unreasonable assignments to each other.